God, it makes me sick.

UGH.

Well... I'm not going to go in order.

I think it's quite amusing now that mom & Jeff are back together they decide to drink together & whatnot. Yea, I've had a few drinks with them...but I'm not the one that's going to end up getting drugs, getting hurt, or whatever else. My mom acts like she doesn't expect this shxt at all. How fxcking pitiful of her. I wish she would grow up. I don't think she has any self respect at all. The more I try to help her, the more I get let down, so I don't understand why I even try. I'm just a pawn in this fxcking game & I'll never become anything more.

Jeff went off somewhere, drunk...so now he's drunk driving. Lovely. Ha now that we're living in a trailor park we've become part of the cliche', how wonderful, right? I'm tired of all this... I can't wait to get away. FOR GOOD.

I don't want to feel like all I do is wallow in self pity, when I really don't. I know things can be a million times worse. I stand my ground. I know the situation & I know it well & being emotionally unstable would do nothing but hurt myself in the long run.

Who I feel bad for is Josh, but maybe he'll grow to be as strong as me. Hopefully stronger. He deserves better even if he has anger issues & complains about everything...spoiled to death. He can't help any of that & he'll possibly grow up to know better than what he's been taught.


Anywho, I got my GED test results in the mail the other day. I passed all subjects. =] All my cool teachers were very proud of me. Gives me that sense of pride, ya know? I actually accomplished something that's gonna help me in life. Now, I can hopefully become a Veterinary Assistant & then go to school to become a Veterinary Tech. I can't wait for the challenge but I fear failing... Ugh.


I'm trying so hard... but maybe not my hardest.


<3