I'll waste these nights for awhile.

I have that ever so often presence of the feeling I just want out of the house... I don't really care where or doing what I just wanna get out & do something. Keep my mind off of things or on greater things. I just need to get away. There isn't any certain reason, really... Just feel like I need to run off some energy, ya know? Hang out with some friends. Get some fresh air, maybe. Go see a movie... Just get out. I feel so enclosed & like there's nothing better to do than to sit around on the computer... watching tv. Drawing... Listening to music... Gahhh.

I wish I could go to a party or a show... No good shows going on. I wish there was somthing closer that had bands & whatnot. But no... 40 minutes away. Meh. I guess I'll see what happens when I talk to my mom. She's taking Josh around the block in the skates he got for xmas. =] He's in a good mood apparently. Which is always good.

I think I'm getting close to Lori again. I'm not sure if that's an oh so great thing. With that comes temptation. I mean I really do care about her but he's jut got that something that draws you... it annoys me. >_> Maybe it's just me that feels it? I love being close to her but I don't want it to become more. We have many differences. I wonder if she realized show jealous I get of anyone she's with... I don't think she does because she doesn't do the same..? The girls she's with now... not that I don't like her but I just don't like hearing about it. I think it still hurts. I'm such a jealous person...it makes me sick. >=[ I just want to be free from all that. I want to be close to someone & not have feelings for them like that. Ugh.

Blahh. I've been on Ebay a lot here lately. It's more funny because I have no money. My grandmother is paying for everything. It doesn't make me feel that bad though... I guess because she's always buying things on there for a lot more than what she should... especially if it isn't things she needs. I guess it's like ...she doesn't understand how much I want or why I get what I do... Neither do I understand why she does hers. Haha. Ahh well.

I'm gonna go find something to keep me busyyy.

<3