To put my arms in fragile hands.

Well...the plans I had for today [well...yesterday] didn't happen. Of course. Lori's dad said no to her mom taking us to the mall. How lame. Doesn't make much sense...but he's always like that. But of course she got to go to the bowling alley with Jessica. Heh. But then again he was never very fond of me. Well... neither of her parents, probably. Oh well. *Sigh*

Didn't get to do anything all weekend. How surprising? =P I need to make friends that don't go to school. >=[ So I actually have stuff to do on week days as well instead of depending on weekends. Hopefully I'll be out of school come Feb. =] Hallelujah!

It's weird how I can't wait to go to school tomorrow [...today]. I guess because I'll actually have something to do. Plus some of my Ebay stuff will probably come in the mail. =]

Ugh. I hate how people I've fallen for... they're still there in my heart. It sucks, actually. I never really get over anyone. I don't really understand it. It could be because I'm really caring, maybe? Not to brag... It's just how I am. I really care about people that I've been/am close with. Cutting myself off from emotion hasn't been working but so well. It's not completely cut off... but I'm getting less attached which is good in my case.

Ugh. I got this energy drink crap & that's exactly what it tastes like. It's wayyy too strong & tastes like some chemical.... which I guess it's a comination of, but still. O_o I think I'm in the process of crashing. I think it's a good thing. Then I can actually get some sleep. =]

I cut my hair this morning. Took about 2-3 inches off. It looks alright. Not that bad. I've come to realize I can't stand my hair being but 1 color. I wanna go buy some hair dye but then I started thinking I gotta buy stuff for highlights as well. I spend quite a bit on my hair products & accessories. I sometimes wonder if that's a bad thing. Like if I had a choice between buying a product for my hair or food... I'd probably choose the hair product. I'm scared to be out on my own... Haha. I don't handle money well at all. I buy expensive food. I'm always wasting my money on things I don't need. Not that it's really wasting...but I do a lot of it. I'm doomed to forever live with my mother. Which I don't think she'll mind. She doesn't want me to leave at all.

Jeff was supposed to pick up Josh today...but then my plans interfered with that & then once they were canceled he went ahead & supposedlly made plans with his mom. So he didn't even come see Josh at all. I feel really bad for Josh because I've been in that position & now I don't even see my dad, hear from him... nothing. Somtimes I wonder if he even thinks of me at all besides whether he's gonna have to pay child support or whatever. Although I never realized when I was Josh's age that it happened. I just knew that I'd hardly see him. It's not the same situation either. Jeff needs to step up & be a father & not wallow in self pity & drink himself away because he's safer doing that than doing drugs... or at least less illegal.

I don't understand people. I don't understand why they waste their lives away & ruin what they have going for them over stupid shxt & temporary happiness when they can try & have something more permanent & less self damaging. I am guity for trying to make myself happy in some of those ways... but I never once get into habit of it. I have self control. Doesn't justify it at all... I know.

Well I suppose I need to go to sleep. Sound really nice right about now. =]


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